Written by: Imogen Sewell
It’s 2021. Gone are the days of dowries, shot gun weddings and medieval courting traditions. And yet, today, only one in ten women say that they’d be comfortable making the first move. Why do the unwritten rules and behaviours of the dating world still seem to spring from the 1850s?
I do get it – making the first move is scary! But I’m here to give you all the reasons that we should be plucking up the courage to make the first move – whether that’s asking a guy out, asking to see him again or initiating the first move in the bedroom. Life’s too short for sexist dating rules. Sit around too long and Mr. Right will probably pass you by!
An obvious disclaimer: these rules only apply to ladies who are into men. If you’re a lesbian or a gay man – then nice work for avoiding this dated (pardon the pun) tradition.
So, here are five key reasons, to celebrate IWD 2019, why we women should be making the first move.
1) Why the hell not?!
This is the base level, fundamental reason to make the first move! It is just as much your relationship (or potential relationship) as it is his. You are 50% of this relationship: you should have 50% of the power! If you like a guy, ask him out. If you think the date went well, tell him. If you want to invite him back to yours, do it, girl! With every move you don’t make think: would I be doing this if I was a man. It’s a tricky realisation to make but once you do you’ll be saying f*ck you to these thread-bare social norms which have governed the way we live. Don’t let the patriarchy get the better of you!
2) You’ll feel empowered as sh*t
This is the suffragette movement of our generation. Well, maybe not quite… but you get the gist. Trust me when I say that asking guys out, telling guys you like them, making the first move in the bedroom is fun and makes you feel powerful as hell. There’s a reason sitting in the driver’s seat is better than the passenger’s.
2) It’s now easier than ever
The times are a’changing, and so is the technology. Our friends over at Bumble have created an app specifically for this purpose: to get women asking guys out because they damn well want to! Download the app and get chatting. Start online and you’ll gain the confidence to make the first move IRL.
4) It’s great for men, too
We women have come off worse from these old school gender dynamics, sure – but the status quo has been skewed towards men putting in the hours to secure a date. And that can be difficult, nerve-wracking and risk-heavy. So let’s give the boys a day off. Also, it’s such a compliment! Making the first move is a sure-fire way to tell a guy you’re into him, without showering him with cheesy af compliments.
5) Making the first move is attractive!
As the old saying goes: confidence is sexy. Guys will find it attractive that you have the confidence to ask them out. After a quick focus group with my male friends and the guys in the office – I found that to be unanimously true. And anyway, if he is scared away by a confident, self-assured woman with agency – then he ain’t worth your time.
Soo there it is, five reasons why we should all definitely be making the first move. It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s sexy – and it gives a big f*ck you to those outdated gender dynamics. So next time you match with a guy online, or have been flirting with a friend for weeks, or you’ve been seeing someone for a while and want to take it to the next level, just take a deep breath and bite the bullet.
I’d love to hear any first move stories you’ve got – get in touch @datemakersuk to share the love!
A second date, a really good second date, can be far more thrilling than the first.
If you’re a keen Bristol foodie, you’ll have heard of Cargo at Wapping Wharf, a bustling hub of tiny takeaways, quirky clothes shops and dinky dining options.